Part 5: That Time My Pride Was Bigger Than A Glacier

Before delving into this story, I need to give some essential background details. They may or may not have weight when you judge me after reading this.

Friday (June 29th) had been a busy day. We were out the door by 10 a.m. with an hour drive down to Alyeska (which took much longer because of the fun stop at Beluga Point). After spending hours there, we drove the 1.5-2 hours up to the reindeer farm. Once the tour and reindeer feeding was through, it was around 5:40 p.m. by the time we were leaving the parking lot. I had allergies that were making me irritable, and I was getting sick of the car (and keeping kids happy in the car). Kelsey does not sleep well in her car seat, and hadn’t slept 30 minutes straight the whole day. She was very fussy, and I was anxious to get her home and in her own bed. We were running out of clean diapers and snacks, but I felt good that I had prepared just right for our scheduled activities, and now we could go home and relax. Boy was I wrong.

Kenny comes up with this idea to go see a “nearby” glacier. He was sure it was “just 20 minutes away”. I was immediately opposed to it, knowing how exhausted the kids were already. In my mind, we had already had a very full day, and we still had plenty of days left to go sight-seeing with his family. I said no, but he kept pushing it. He really wanted to go. I felt so betrayed. I didn’t want him to put me in that position. Of course they have to get the okay from me, because I’m the mother of the 4 little kids we tote around with us. The kids would be the only reason we wouldn’t go, so they needed me to be on board. He knows I like to make plans and prepare ahead. Usually, he has all the great ideas, and I plan them out. And usually, we make a pretty good team that way. I think about all the details of what we’ll need, and I make lists and get addresses and directions and times down to a T. I don’t do well with spontaneous things like that, only because kids don’t do well with “flying by the seat of their pants”. They take a lot of work, and that always comes back to me. But it’s my in-laws and I hate being the witch-y wife. So off we went.

I tried talking myself into it on the way there. “It won’t be that big of a deal. We’ll just walk down some paved path, touch the ice, take a few pictures and go home.” I obviously had no idea what we were in for. The problem was, nobody had a clue what we were getting ourselves into. It soon because obvious that the “20 minute” estimation was WAY off; it ended up being another hour and a half, not counting our dinner stop. The winding canyon roads were making me car sick, and my head was pounding.

On the way, we stopped to take pictures at this beautiful pull-off spot.

The scenery the whole day was just gorgeous, and this view was incredible. But there was a chip on my shoulder and I wasn’t about to get rid of it. While we were stopped I changed the girls’ diapers. I was a little late on one of them, as I discovered that Madison had peed through her pants, and they were soaking wet. So I took them off of her and let her just be in her diaper. We finally got to this Glacier Park pit stop place and found out it cost $15 bucks a person. We also had to fill out and sign all these liability waivers. I started wondering what the big deal was. Oh, and it was 8:00 p.m. when we were filling out the paper work. Now it was cutting way into my kids’ bedtime. Another thing I take very seriously. I know I sound like such a Nazi about everything. But like I said, I was letting my pride take over and each infraction I could find was making it onto my mental check-list of crimes, with my husband being the convicted felon.

We got down to the parking lot and started to unload the cars. Suddenly, the fact that Madi has no pants on becomes a big issue. It’s cold and windy, so we can’t very well let her run around in a diaper. We improvise by getting one of Brynlee’s extra jackets, and stick her legs through the arm holes. We zipped it up and felt satisfied that it at least covered her, so she wouldn’t be too cold. I get the baby out of the car and bring a blanket to block her from the wind. Thankfully, Kenny’s mom offered to stay in the car with her, since she didn’t want to walk down there anyway. I was also glad that we had extra uncles there to help out with carrying the kids and helping them out.

Remember that paved path idea I had in my head? There was no such thing. What I did see, were people with those special shoes, walking sticks with pokers at the bottom for the ice, and backpacks full of supplies. Here I was in my cute, (new!) brown flats, not even tennis shoes, with absolutely no traction. It hit me that this would have really been one of those places you plan for before just showing up. At first it was just muddy, then we got to the glacier. You’re just walking around on ice, and sometimes rocks when you’re lucky. There are lots of little streams of freezing cold glacier water at different random points that we would have to cross. It was getting more and more difficult the further in we got, but Kenny just wouldn’t stop. I kept worrying about Kelsey that we had left back in the car with my mother-in-law. Was she still screaming? I didn’t even show her where the stuff was to make a bottle—I honestly didn’t think we would take very long. I tried to remind him that for as far as we go in, we still have to go all the way back. But he just kept forging “onward, ever onward”.

Have I ever mentioned that I call Kenny, “Captain”? Whenever he starts to lead our little family off on some expedition, I call him Captain. I think he missed his calling in life; he would have made a great explorer of uncharted territory. He is always up for an adventure and his curiosity and thrill of the “new and exciting” get the better of him.  

I wanted to have a great time too. I just couldn’t let it go. It was like the movies where you have the two voices on your shoulders, one good, and one bad. I knew I was in the wrong, but there was no way I could admit that. Kenny wasn’t intentionally trying to ruin my night. He didn’t know that it would be so far away, or so tricky to do, especially with 3 little ones. But he was making the most of the situation. We were already there right? So why not just relax and revel in this incredible experience?! It was honestly one of the coolest places I’ve ever been to in my life. It was seriously breathtaking how beautiful, and unique it was. I was feeling so sad and angry at myself that I couldn’t just let my pride go and enjoy this with Kenny. A love of this beautiful earth, a gorgeous sunset, or just any pretty nature scene—that’s something we have in common and love to share together. Geographically, this was at the top of our list, and I was being a grouch.

My husband is probably one of the most stubborn people I’ve ever known in my life. (Obviously I give him a run for his money, but still.) Sometimes it works to his advantage, and sometimes it does not…this was one of those times. Looking back, I realize I should have just turned around and walked back myself. It’s not like he was dragging me along against my will. But I didn’t want to be the one that left. I still had three kids there to look after, and I wasn’t even sure I knew my way back.

Tyler was the first one to slip and fall in the water. That made me even madder. Now he would be wet the whole way back, and it was cold. We finally reached a point and I put my foot down. Madi was starting to get really fussy and mad that we wouldn’t let her walk around by herself. But it was PURE ICE and she didn’t even have pants on! Even if we were on normal ground, she would trip and fall on the hoodie that was dangling between her legs. On the way back, I also slid down the ice and into the water. I had cuts on my hands and my leg, and my blood started to boil. “This was ALL Kenny’s fault!” I thought. I was hurt, and embarrassed, and he was going to pay!

I don’t think I have ever been so mad at any one person, as I was at this time. I stormed ahead with Brynlee, desperate to get away from him and get back to my baby in the van. I felt awful for making them sit in the van that long waiting for us. My heart was racing I was so upset, and if I wasn’t so dang prideful I would’ve burst into tears. Kenny rushed after me, trying to see if I was okay from the fall. But all I could say through gritted teeth was, “Please don’t talk to me for at least 24 hours.”

Once we got back to the van, I was able to see what time it was. We had been gone an hour and a half! Thankfully, Kelsey was asleep at that time, but she sure hadn’t been Miss Pleasant while we were gone. We still had a 2 hour drive back home. We got the kids to bed quickly, around 11:30 p.m.

On the way home I was able to take a few deep breaths and “cool my jets”, if you will. I thought to myself, so what? So what if the kids are too tired one day, and go to bed too late one night. That was one of the coolest dang places we’ve ever been to, and I nearly ruined it for everyone. I still feel awful about my poor attitude, and bad example to my kids. This is a public apology, and will now go down in record for my future posterity of how they should not act! And now for some pictures of that amazing place that I will definitely never forget.

The glacier from the road, on the way there

Kenny drank out of this little water pocket

Uncle Andy with Bryn on his shoulders, then Aunt Jeni and Grandpa

Captain Kenny charging on ahead with Madi in one arm and holding Ty's hand in the other; Andy with Bryn