These Are The Days

About midnight: Get to bed for the first time

1:32 a.m. - Bryn wakes up crying, probably a bad dream. I go downstairs to comfort her and of course she needs a drink of water before going back to sleep.

2:46 a.m. - Kelsey wakes up. Feed her, burp her, and change her diaper.

3:57 a.m. - Madi wakes up crying. I go downstairs to calm her down, only to discover she has peed through her clothes yet again. Curse myself for buying this crappy brand of diapers. Change her diaper, clothes, and sheets.

5:39 a.m. - Kelsey wakes up to eat again. My eyeballs are burning I am so tired.

7:02 a.m. - Tyler comes into my room declaring that it's morning and we should all be awake. I want to swear...and I probably do.

Somewhere in there I vaguely remember Kenny kissing me goodbye as he leaves for work.

My nights are pretty busy these days. In fact the days and nights sort of roll into each other and I have a hard time keeping track of time. I just know I am always waiting anxiously for my next chance to sleep. I hate it because not getting enough sleep makes me so grumpy. I'm more snippy and short with my children. Last week I decided I just have one goal for each day. It's not to shower (though I'm sure my family would appreciate it), it's not doing preschool with my kids. It's not going to the grocery store--we're still far from being able to do that. It's not to have a clean house  or make a gourmet dinner, or do a cute craft.

No, my goal every day is just to be happy.

Being happy includes not getting upset when Madison spills her fruit smoothie on the carpet, or dumps out the can of oatmeal while I'm busy nursing. To not let the unpacked boxes and constant clutter get to me. To brush it off when I'm out of clean garments because I'm behind on laundry again. It includes being patient when they are arguing nonstop, and throwing tantrums right and left.

I just need to look for the good in every day and enjoy my children (whether they are being enjoyable or not) because otherwise I find myself wishing this time away. 

  I have looked forward to being a mother my whole life. It's all I've ever wanted to do. And now here I am, right in the thick of it. I don't want it to pass by too quickly.