Full Disclosure

Sometimes I get really nice comments from some of you kind people that read my blog. Comments that you might be impressed with what I do, or think I'm doing a good job or something. And while it does lift my spirits, I think I need to set the record straight. Maybe it's deceiving because there's usually pictures up here where we do fun things and we're all smiling. But that does not mean that our whole days are just fun and playing and smiles and laughs. I think I reach a point almost every day where I feel like I'm going to internally combust from stress and frustration. We're just surviving here--for real.

Monday and Tuesday Kenny didn't even get to see the kids again because he got home so late. Wednesday he was still working late so I got a babysitter (our next door neighbor) to babysit the older three so I could go to young womens. I was in charge of it that night so I couldn't miss. Madison cried the whole time I was gone, except for when she fell asleep for a few minutes. She's not one of those kids that will settle down after a few minutes of crying. She has stamina. It's like at night time and nap time, she will cry for a good 2 hours if I let her. Even if she does fall asleep, she will wake back up and cry again every hour or so. The whole "crying it out" method doesn't really work for her. Some days I feel like her whole childhood is "crying it out". I am at such a loss of what to do with that girl. Anyway, I felt really bad for the babysitter. I also felt bad for Madison because she is just so sincerely distraught when I'm not around and I don't know what to do about it.  

Thursday night started youth conference for the weekend. Thankfully the other leaders were able to take most of it so I just went to the dance Thurs. night. I took Kelsey with me so that Kenny could have fun with the other three at home. (hallelujah for him coming home!) It was fun to go to the dance--it brought back a lot of memories of dances I went to in my youth. I always loved them! Good times.

Friday we had a nice evening as a family at our special place (which will heretofore be called "OSP").

 Pictures below.

Earlier this week I got new bikes for ty and bryn. It was quite the shopping trip. It included Madison throwing such a fit that she flipped herself out of the shopping cart. She wasn't hurt, and that surely didn't help the screaming and crying subside.

Saturday we got some things done with the van and around the house (not nearly as much as I would have liked, but progress is progress). We took turns working out that morning.  This getting back into shape thing is really slow-coming. Kenny took Ty and Bryn fishing that night, while I hung out with the little girls.

Sunday was one of those why on earth do we even try to come to church days. Somehow I managed to forget diapers for Madi, which isn't usually an issue. I rarely even have to change her at church. But of course, because I didn't have any, she poops during sacrament meeting. I had just come back in from the hallway, putting Kelsey to sleep. So I take Madi and we go home and get her changed and come back. Kelsey's awake again and crying, and ty and bryn are not helping the situation either. Both being very needy and crying and wanting either Kenny or I when we are certainly not available for them, with two baby girls. Once it was finally all over, Kelsey's up and crying again. I go into the mother's room, grateful for a chance to escape for a second and take a few deep breaths. I feel like we're juggling a freaking circus and we can't get anything together. The only thing I heard during sacrament meeting was when one sweet lady was getting emotional about being a mom and how quickly her kids are growing up. I was getting emotional because I was sitting there feeling guilty that my thoughts at that moment were "they can't grow up soon enough".

 I don't know how we're ever going to get Madi to go to nursery even though she's 18 months tomorrow. She won't leave us and Kenny substitutes teaching a class every week and I am in YW. So we'll see how this goes. We got home from church and declared a mandatory nap for Tyler and Brynlee. I spoke with them later that night about how they need to be the big kids and need to be our helpers during church. No more crying and misbehaving. I know they are still young, but they need to behave better than they did. Areas I can improve on are making sure all the bags are packed the night before so I don't forget essential things. Also, making sure the kids are in bed by 7:45 so they get PLENTY of sleep. Kenny put the blanket back up in their window so they stop waking up at 6:00-6:30. It's so light all the time here. I spent money on blackout material and my mom sewed them to the curtains in their room, but it doesn't seal around the edges so there is still a lot of light coming in. So we had to fix that so they'll sleep again.

That night we went to eat dinner at the Meade's home. They are good friends and so fun to get to know. Jason cooked us some red salmon--they're all trying to convert me to liking sea food. It was battered and covered in coconut then deep fried. So at least my gag reflex didn't kick in and I was able to swallow it :). Miriah is pregnant with her 5th and helped me to remember that these days will pass. 

Thankfully I was able to capture some of the fun times we did have. Because, in truth, we did have some fun times.