Mommy Math

I rarely get a good night's sleep. I always smell like spit-up and milk. My toes are constantly getting stepped on. I have 2 kids in diapers and one that wears pull-ups at night, so the bathrooms always smell like urine from dirty diapers. I never get to sit even 3 minutes straight during meal-time. My food is usually cold by the time I get around to eating it. I have split ends and frumpy clothes. I have a flabby stomach and stretch marks to boot. I have been known to get out of the driveway, or sometimes down the street before I realize that I neglected to get my own shoes on. The house is in a permanent state of cluttered disarray, and hours of cleaning can be easily undone in 5 minutes or less. Going to the store to get groceries feels like a great accomplishment. We are usually late to everything. I am sometimes sweaty after the first hour of church. It takes at least 15 minutes to get out the door. Sometimes I make lists of things I want to talk to Kenny about because by the time we finally get around to having a real conversation, I have forgotten everything. Every time I have to drive for young womens, I have to take out 4 car seats and clean out our mess-of-a-minivan. My life revolves around nap-times and feedings. I don't know what's going on in the world most of the time, but I do have lots of children's books memorized. Even when I try to "get a break" by leaving for an hour or two, my children still consume my thoughts.

Having kids is an inconvenience, to say the least. You might even say they've ruined my life. But that's what's ironic--they are my life. It seems so contradictory. They cause me so much stress, so much frustration, so much exhaustion of every kind. And yet they bring me more joy than I can explain. They love me and trust me unconditionally. When I struggle with feeling adequate or capable, I just have to remember that they believe I'm the greatest mom in the world, simply because I'm their mom. I love them with such a fierce, all-consuming love that overwhelms me to the point where I think my heart may burst. They are my greatest creation and biggest success. I love my four little ones so much that somehow, even when it may not add up on paper, it's totally worth it.